Monthly Archives: December 2013

Journal of Experimental Biology: Coping with stress in a changing world (Medical News Today)

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Feedzilla: Stress News
Journal of Experimental Biology: Coping with stress in a changing world (Medical News Today)
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The Most Important Thing You Need for Love in 2014

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GPS for the Soul – The Huffington Post
The Most Important Thing You Need for Love in 2014
I recently read this super smart article on Psychology Today. I passed it around to my life coach clients and even on Facebook because I thought there was so much truth there about the ways we sabotage ourselves when it come to love and relationships.

The people I heard back from really liked it, but there was a resounding message from them across the land…

“Are you kidding me? This is really hard. I am not sure I want to do all of that for love.”

I know, Sugarpants. I know…

Knowing yourself well enough to recognize your stuff and then doing something about it… well, it can feel like, “Where do you even begin? Wasn’t love supposed to be easier than this? Just fall into place? Just happen organically and then we live happily ever after?”

Nope.

You have been lied to about love and relationships for a very long time.

Call Hollywood and tell them you want your sanity and realistic expectations back.

In my six years as a life coach who works with singles, here is what I know. Unlike our ancestors, we don’t have to have long-term relationships anymore. It sounds crazy, but it’s true.

Over 100 years ago, you got married for status, financial gain, to procreate and because your family couldn’t afford to keep you. That just isn’t true anymore.

We don’t have to get married to survive in our world. Your family doesn’t get a donkey for you and procreation is doing just fine.

Nowadays, with some good old-fashioned hard work, you can usually get a good job, an apartment and even a dog/cat and live a pretty decent life. You even have the option to have/adopt a kid on your own and start your own family. Most likely, you are not going to go hungry, homeless or be dead and empty inside.

Ultimately, you don’t have to have a long-term relationship or get married.

The truth is, relationships are not necessary for survival anymore so at the end of the day, you have to really, really want it.

Bad.

With our pretty long list of expectations and even longer life spans, married for life looks way different than it did a few years ago. It is absolutely do-able, but you have got to want it more than the convenience of single life.

You are going to have to want it when letting someone in to see the real you and all of your flaws feels uncomfortable. It will.

You are going to have to want it when compromising your life, schedule and things becomes annoying. It is going to.

You are going to have to want it to communicate on the level that makes relationships work, which will bring on confrontation and insecurity. They will show up.

You are going to have to want it when becoming vulnerable is scary. It is.

You are going to have to want it when you go through rough days and moments and want to just hide your head and the sand and make it go away. Which you will.

You are going to need to believe in love and relationships more than the days that you don’t like them or even yourself. It’s going to happen.

Creating a long-term relationship will rock every fiber of your being and make you question yourself. It is truly one of the most challenging things we can do in our life.

So you might be asking yourself, why would I want to do that? That sounds hard. Hard = bad, right?

Not necessarily.

Here is what I personally believe. Why I wake up every morning. Why I run a business that is downright not easy for me. What I do with my clients.

I believe when we create great love and beautiful healthy relationships we become stronger, happier and better people.

I believe when we are loved we can be better friends. Knowing we are deeply loved, little stuff rolls off of us and we have more time to listen and support others to be better people.

I believe when we are loved, we can be better parents. Because when we can be loved and we can give love, we will not doubt being good enough for them. When we are loved we learn and teach it is OK to make mistakes.

Your love and respect for others will teach them to be honest, kind and real. Modeling a healthy love relationship is the greatest gift you can give to our children.

I believe when we are loved, we can be better family members. Because when we have deep love and support we don’t have to default to unhealthy behaviors with our siblings and parents.

I believe when we are loved we move through this world more kind and able to give to others. We smile more and are doing random acts of kindness without even thinking about it. We change lives just because we are loved. This kind of love does not come from fairy dust nor does it just happen to lucky people. It comes from doing smart and rewarding self-work up front so you can create that kind of love and relationship.

For you see, there are not any promises in relationships anymore. With this new found world of dating and love we have to recognize the beauty in the the conscious decision to choose to show up for another person. Every single day. To create something beautiful instead of just hoping it works out.

It means more than ever because we don’t have to be there. We don’t have to have that relationship. We are there because we believe in love and really, really want it.

I want this for you in 2014. Do you?

Let me be the Miyagi to your Karate Kid. Check out my new class in 2014, The Dating Awesomer Crash Course. Three weeks of genius to help you date smarter, not harder in the new year.

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10 Things Every 20-Something Should Do in 2014

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GPS for the Soul – The Huffington Post
10 Things Every 20-Something Should Do in 2014
It’s crazy how quickly time is going by. Another year is already ending and another one is about to begin. Every year, I make goals for myself and can never seem to accomplish them all. It’s like I try to cram all of these tasks — for instance, starting a company, winning the lottery, getting a book deal, creating a TV show, etc. — into a year, but most are not actually all that realistic (#AmbitousPeopleProblems). Like, I’m probably not going to become famous overnight, right? However, beyond the many things I hope to accomplish some time in the near future, there are a couple of things I — and you — should do in the new year no matter what.

Here are 10 things every 20-something should do in 2014:

1. Be active. Whether you’re going to the gym twice a day every day or you’re taking walks around your neighborhood three times a week, make sure you are doing some sort of physical activity on the regular. Don’t say you’re too busy for it… we’re all busy. You just need to make time for it (especially if you sit at a desk all week long). Whether that time is on the weekend, at 5:00 a.m. every day, or right before you go to bed, make it happen. Five minutes of crunches is better than nothing.

2. Take a vacation. We are given mandatory vacation days for a reason. Don’t use them all on days for appointments and visiting home. Go somewhere warm! Go somewhere romantic! Go somewhere exotic and different. You have your own money now. And you certainly deserve it.

3. Have a crazy night(s) out. No, you don’t have to get wasted every time you go out. You don’t even have to drink every time you go out. In fact, you don’t even need to go out that much. But make sure you have at least one wild night this year when you do go out (preferably more than one). And by wild night, I of course mean drink so much that you do stupid things you will most definitely regret the next morning while puking up pizza in the toilet. Everyone needs a good story every now and then.

4. Think. Think before you spend. Think before you eat. Think before you tweet. Think before you drink. A problem with us 20-somethings is that we rarely think — we just DO. We have (barely any) money, so we spend it. We hate saying no, so we constantly find ourselves eating poorly and drinking way too often. We are under pressure by Instagram and feel the need to add a filter to every single picture we take and then post it on all social media sites we use. We tweet whatever is on our mind. And we post things on Facebook in the heat of the moment. This year, think before you do any of the above. Please.

5. Cook something. As a 20-something, you need to learn to cook. You should already know how to cook pasta and eggs — and know how to use the oven. Now, spice up your pasta and eggs with new recipes… and of course learn what to do with meat, whether it’s in a crock pot, the oven, the stove, or on a grill. Of course, microwavable meals are nice when you worked late or are just way too busy. But to be healthy, you must cook! I’m not saying turn into a chef… but look easy recipes up online. Cooking is really not that bad.

6. Get rid of fake friends. And stop being fake yourself! You graduated college. You’re in the real world. There’s no need to keep pretending you like so-and-so just because they’re friends with your friends and you feel you have to. But there’s also no need to be mean to people. You’re too old for that. Be cordial, but don’t go out of your way to make a friendship happen that’s just not going to happen. Focus that energy on new friendships with people you actually like. Don’t exclude people, don’t be cliquey, and ignore any drama that attempts to come your way. Do YOU and don’t worry about anyone else.

7. Binge watch a TV show. Or just start watching good TV (it’s out there). Pay your 20-something dues and watch HBO’s Girls. See what the buzz was about this year and check out Breaking Bad. Dabble in Homeland. Put on a pair of sweatpants and Netflix Orange is the New Black for an entire weekend. You might feel useless, but it’s okay to be a waste of space sometimes (really, it is).

8. Buy something valuable. Whether it be a phone, a computer, a TV, a tablet, or a designer bag, treat yourself. Embrace your inner responsible adult by buying something you could never afford in college and then be responsible for that item. It will be good practice for having a child. Okay, not really, but whatever.

9. Call friends and family. No one calls people anymore. We just tweet, text, and… well that’s about it since Facebook wall writing is now a thing of the past. We don’t listen to people anymore, so our conversations are completely impersonal. When someone is being nice, we sometimes mistake them for being rude and of course never say anything because it’s just a text. This year, take a few minutes every week (or couple of weeks) to call people. Of course face to face communication is ideal, but if you have to resort to something else and you really want to catch up with someone — or keep up with someone — give them a call.

10. Relax. Stop planning something for every second of every day and take a break. It’s okay to sit on the couch and watch trashy TV once in a while. It’s okay to go to bed early to catch up on sleep on a weekend night. It’s okay to do absolutely nothing for an entire weekend once in a while. In fact, it’s almost necessary at this point in our lives. Take a minute or two to sit down and not think every once in a while. You’ll appreciate the lack of stress in your life a lot more than you did back in college.

This post originally appeared on Forever Twenty Somethings. If you’re a Boston 20-something, come drink your #20SomethingProblems away at their Post-Holiday Hangover Party at Brahmin in January! Click here for details.

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One-third of teens do not discuss sexual health with physicians (Medical News Today)

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Feedzilla: Sexual Health News
One-third of teens do not discuss sexual health with physicians (Medical News Today)
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IQ link to baby’s weight gain in first month

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ScienceDaily: Dieting and Weight Control News
IQ link to baby’s weight gain in first month
New research shows that weight gain and increased head size in the first month of a baby’s life is linked to a higher IQ at early school age.

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Stimulant-addicted patients can quit smoking without hindering treatment

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ScienceDaily: Addiction News
Stimulant-addicted patients can quit smoking without hindering treatment
Smokers who are addicted to cocaine or methamphetamine can quit smoking while being treated for their stimulant addiction, without interfering with stimulant addiction treatment, according to new research.

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Problem-solving education reduces parental stress after child autism diagnosis

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ScienceDaily: Depression News
Problem-solving education reduces parental stress after child autism diagnosis
A cognitive-behavioral intervention known as problem-solving education may help reduce parental stress and depressive symptoms immediately after their child is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, according to a study.

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