So you’re a quirkyalone. You don’t settle. You don’t mind spending time alone. In fact, you like it. You’re actually looking for someone who excites you on multiple levels: intellectual, emotional, sexual. You don’t want to go on a thousand coffee dates to find someone whom you can snuggle up with on the couch.
You’re wondering, how do I find someone who is a match for me without spending my life hacking the OKCupid algorithm? How do I even write about “who I am”?
In honor of International Quirkyalone Day which is coming up on February 14 (a celebration of love whether you are single or coupled), here are 10 things to include in a quirkyalone online dating profile. These tips are for the quirkyalones who want to get quirkyalone together.
Remember: The secret to finding true love is exposing your quirks. And you only need one. (Or two or three if you are polyamorous!)
1) A list of your quirks. Exposing your quirks is the secret path to finding true love. Don’t hold back. Share your geeky weird passions or whatever makes you different.
Business coach Tara Gentile got insanely lucky and met her current beau on the first OKCupid date.
She says, “A year and a week ago, I opened an email with my first match from OkCupid. His profile could have been a quirkyalone archetype. Stuff like knitting, cooking, cribbage, dirty jokes, my kimchi is probably better than your Korean grandmother’s. A year ago today, we went on our first date. I mentioned my deep love of Star Trek. He pulled out his wallet and showed me the illustration of Kirk & Spock he carries with him.”
2) The truth about your age and height. Being quirky is about being real. If you live in an area where many men are looking for much younger women, are those really the men you want to be with anyway? If women screen based on height, they will not be happy if they meet you and you lied. Take the high road for true love. In my experience, more men are writing wider age ranges for the women they are looking for, and more people are getting keen to “older, wiser, hotter.” (Another post I’ll be sharing soon to expand on this.)
3) Your vision. Spend some time to think about what you really want in a relationship. Here are some questions to ask yourself. First imagine a scene: You’re spending time with your love in your favorite room doing something you enjoy to do together. What does it feel like? What are the qualities of your connection? What gives you a pleasurable feeling when you imagine it? Describe this, and put it in your profile. Inspiration leads to manifestation.
4) Words appreciating you. Before you write your profile, write a love letter to yourself, a letter about all the ways you love yourself. When you write a love letter to yourself, you’ll find all the ways that someone might fall in love with you–because you love you. We’re always training people on how to see us by how we view ourselves. Here is an example of a love letter I wrote to myself to inspire you. Let the words that tumble out infuse your description of yourself in the “self-summary.”
5) Your dealbreakers. Dating is a process of getting to know yourself and what you want. Don’t be afraid to include a few details on what you know doesn’t work to show you mean business and want to find the right match for you.
6) What’s important to you in a partner. Maybe that’s emotional maturity, communication skills, or a deep interest in sex. What is that for you?
7) Your vision for your life. What you really want. You’re a quirkyalone. You might not want a cookie-cutter life. Describe a vision of connection that does not involve melting into one. If you have a love for travel that takes you out of the country a few times a year, don’t assume this would be unattractive to all people. Some people would find your independence and passions a big turn-on. Share who you really are and what you want, knowing you’ll attract the right people and weed out the wrong matches.
8) A conversation starter. Include something provocative or at least interesting to respond to in your profile, like a link to a blog post, video, or book that you could discuss.
9) A photo of you in a state of play. In addition to a headshot, include a photo of you really being yourself, doing something you love, dancing, running, playing chess, whatever turns you on.
10) A joke. Don’t be so serious. Have fun with it and let your personality come out. Although dating is a path for personal growth, it can still be fun to get to know yourself and other people. Don’t let dating turn into a job.
Bonus: Be inspired by others. Sometimes other people articulate wonderfully specific things about what they are looking for, and you think me too! If you see someone else’s language that describes the connection you’re looking for, adapt it for your own profile. We learn from others. However, avoid clichés such as “I love laughing,” “I like going out and staying in,” “I enjoy long walks on the beach,” and “I like traveling.”
Sasha Cagen is the author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics and the founder of International Quirkyalone Day. She coaches single people on how to transform their relationships with themselves to be okay with being on their own–and be open to a great relationship too. Sign up for her mailing list here to get weekly inspiration.