There’s no doubt that cheating is on the rise. The number of cheaters and victims of cheating I’m seeing is twofold compared to just a few years ago. If this is any indication of the national trend, then it’s an epidemic of sorts. Are more people cheating? Quite possibly. But just as there are that many more ways to communicate and connect with people (think Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, texting, and the countless dating sites and apps) there are also that many more ways to get caught. An intercepted text has become the modern day version of lipstick on the collar. Whether people are cheating more, being more careless, or spouses are better at catching their cheater, I don’t know. The bottom line: the numbers are staggering and troubling. Below are 10 signs that your man is cheating. Some are obvious while others not so obvious. Remember, any one sign by itself is not nearly as compelling as several or a pattern.
1. He deviates from his baseline behavior.
People have patterns to their behaviors. These usually are quite inflexible and fixed. When there’s a gross distraction such as an affair, patterns will change. So, take note that this could indicate he is cheating.
2. His mood changes quickly.
This might be the result of him being conflicted: being with you but wanting to spend time with the new woman. Naturally it will lead to frustration, moodiness, and even anger. He may even start fights in an effort to sabotage your relationship.
3. He’s attached to his phone.
He’ll take it into the bathroom with him and say “I like to read the news.” Is this a new behavior? If so, be aware. He may also sleep with it by his bed and be guarded of it, not keeping it lying out on the table.
4. He changes his appearance.
Does he dress differently? Is he getting in shape? These changes in the context of other signs are worth noting.
This one is tricky. You might see a complete withdrawal from sex or you might see him initiating it more. He might feel an extra charge of testosterone and confidence as a result of his new flame and feel the need to discharge it with you. He may also be trying to compensate for his indiscretions.
6. He confuses information.
For example, “Didn’t we dine here?” is a clear indicator he’s been there before and not with you. His points of reference are blurred as time spent with you are confused with time spent with the other woman.
7. He has a history of cheating.
Past behavior is often an indicator of current or future behavior, even in relationships. If he’s done it before it only makes it easier to do it again.
8. He doesn’t show remorse or guilt for wrong doings in other areas of his life.
Normally these are powerful and healthy emotions that keep people in check. A lack of them is a problem.
9. There’s a family history of cheating.
Although this is a predictor of cheating, it does come into play as people learn to model their parents’ behaviors. If there is such a history, has he talked about it? What has he learned from it? Processing it in a healthy way might help safeguard him from making similar mistakes.
10. He lies and does it well.
Does he talk about how he has deceived people outside of the relationship? Does he do it with the bravado of a narcissist? Definitely a red flag.
Perhaps more important than being on the lookout for these signs is trusting your gut and intuition. It’s powerful. Listen to it and use it to investigate. Doing so might spare you a lot of pain and agony down the road. Don’t make the mistake that so many women do and look the other way. Denial will not make him stop cheating nor will it improve your relationship. Taking action will.
For more tips on healthy relationships check out my book BE FEARLESS: Change Your Life in 28 Days.